Well, well, well, it’s been a long frickin’ time since I last wrote and I do apologize. As many of you know, I am a baseball coach at the high school I work at and when the season gets going….I’m swamped. Did I mention that I also coach my kid’s little league team…..?
Speaking of baseball, this past Wednesday, after a rare victory by our ever underachieving squad, I got a call from the Head Coach of our team, who was headed to the Billy Joel concert, at the Xcel Energy Center. Turns out his wife was ill and he now had an extra ticket for the show. My instant thought was: “Billy fuckin’ Joel?.....no way.” But, you know, I used to like him…… ‘Glass Houses’ was a cool album (one which I still have in my basement,) I’ve always liked New York State of Mind… What the hell! And, a big plus…….FREE Ticket; this was the ultimate deciding factor as there was no way I was going to pay near $100 to see some old bald guy play a piano, while I sat with a bunch of middle aged rockers who think The Flaming Lips are some menopausal side-effect.
Firstly, let me tell you how much I love to see big-boned, 40-50 somethings, wearing short-skirted dresses. HOLY CRAP, did I laugh my ass off at seeing these fine, upper-Midwest, MILFs and GILFs. Luckily for me, the laughter staved off any bits of nausea which were sure to arise at the site of these hotties.
I must say that the opening of the show left me feeling very optimistic as they blasted out theme music from the film, “The Natural,” which I love. We got to our seats right after the crowd and band serenaded “Happy Birthday” to the evening’s star performer, B.J., who was now 58. To my right was my buddy, and to my left, was a lady with the aisle seat, who was, at minimum, 73 years old. She was rather short and round; pretty much tall as she was wide, complete with crusty, powdery facial make-up, and blue lipstick. THE NIGHT WAS LOOKING UP!!!
Mr. Joel plays a couple tunes and, as he did so, I knew that I was in for shitty time, UNLESS I started throwing back some watered down barley beverages. A great analogy for this type of evening is as follows:
Remember back in college when you’d go to some house party, early in the evening, and you didn’t know many people and the girls were rather ugly? Well, after about two hours, and 12 Old Mill lites, those fat zit faced honeys didn’t look so bad after all! Moreover, you became best friends with every dude who visited the keg, or took turns as the look-out man while you each had a turn pissing in some cobweb and vomit laden corner of the basement. Good times.
Well, so went the concert. The bald Jewish guy from Long Island kept pumping out his cheezy hits, and I pumped back about 8 Budweisers; and before I knew it, I had my left arm around the plump shoulders of the little old lady from some town near Roseau, Minnesota. And they say you forget everything that you learned in college. HA!
Speaking of baseball, this past Wednesday, after a rare victory by our ever underachieving squad, I got a call from the Head Coach of our team, who was headed to the Billy Joel concert, at the Xcel Energy Center. Turns out his wife was ill and he now had an extra ticket for the show. My instant thought was: “Billy fuckin’ Joel?.....no way.” But, you know, I used to like him…… ‘Glass Houses’ was a cool album (one which I still have in my basement,) I’ve always liked New York State of Mind… What the hell! And, a big plus…….FREE Ticket; this was the ultimate deciding factor as there was no way I was going to pay near $100 to see some old bald guy play a piano, while I sat with a bunch of middle aged rockers who think The Flaming Lips are some menopausal side-effect.
Firstly, let me tell you how much I love to see big-boned, 40-50 somethings, wearing short-skirted dresses. HOLY CRAP, did I laugh my ass off at seeing these fine, upper-Midwest, MILFs and GILFs. Luckily for me, the laughter staved off any bits of nausea which were sure to arise at the site of these hotties.
I must say that the opening of the show left me feeling very optimistic as they blasted out theme music from the film, “The Natural,” which I love. We got to our seats right after the crowd and band serenaded “Happy Birthday” to the evening’s star performer, B.J., who was now 58. To my right was my buddy, and to my left, was a lady with the aisle seat, who was, at minimum, 73 years old. She was rather short and round; pretty much tall as she was wide, complete with crusty, powdery facial make-up, and blue lipstick. THE NIGHT WAS LOOKING UP!!!
Mr. Joel plays a couple tunes and, as he did so, I knew that I was in for shitty time, UNLESS I started throwing back some watered down barley beverages. A great analogy for this type of evening is as follows:
Remember back in college when you’d go to some house party, early in the evening, and you didn’t know many people and the girls were rather ugly? Well, after about two hours, and 12 Old Mill lites, those fat zit faced honeys didn’t look so bad after all! Moreover, you became best friends with every dude who visited the keg, or took turns as the look-out man while you each had a turn pissing in some cobweb and vomit laden corner of the basement. Good times.
Well, so went the concert. The bald Jewish guy from Long Island kept pumping out his cheezy hits, and I pumped back about 8 Budweisers; and before I knew it, I had my left arm around the plump shoulders of the little old lady from some town near Roseau, Minnesota. And they say you forget everything that you learned in college. HA!
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